For Next Steps, Follow Softness
Plus, My Ayahuasca Journey and an Extra Soothing Audio Meditation
I’m moving through a time—between two volatile eclipses, of course—of refining my Soul Work* so that it may more fully support me.
[*Soul Work is the activities that help you align to your divine essence. And though we need to survive, how we do that is irrelevant. Soul Work is the only work that matters.]
Perhaps you are in a similar position.
Perhaps you’re also figuring out how to allow what you love to pay your bills while paying the bills with work that is merely acceptable or tolerable.
Frankly, I’m trying to do both. I’m trying to pursue my Soul Work while sourcing side work to pay the bills. Side work and Soul Work often go hand-in-hand.
The me of five years ago would be hesitant to share this with you, afraid to be vulnerable, afraid to be judged, afraid to appear less than super human.
And that’s exactly why I’m sharing it. I’m moving toward the fear, to understand it, roll around in it, marinate in it, and allow it to teach me and free me.
As well, I know that the only judgment I really fear is my own.
And the super human part of me often takes a back seat to the soul who is here to continue to invite all to lead life and work from soul, from the magic that unfolds through the sweetness of this life.
The more vulnerable I am with all the people around me, the more I lean into the softer sides of me, the more I witness little miracles that enlighten my path, like torches in the tarot suit of wands, guiding my next steps.
And this is a lesson for me and a lesson for you. I’m going to share it now with several stories on initiation, softness, spirit animals, ayahuasca, eclipse energy, and more.
I lay it on the altar between us so you may take what feels good, and leave the rest.
This morning, I was listening to Richard Rudd, the prophetic teacher of the Gene Keys, speak on Gene Key 51, the path from Agitation to Initiative to Awakening.
If you don’t know the Gene Keys, it is a personal development system based on contemplation, rooted in a blend of the I Ching, Astrology, and Human Design.
Though Rudd received the wisdom of the Gene Keys nearly thirty years ago, I only became familiar with it in 2017 when I started studying Human Design.
In today’s lesson, he spoke about the path to Awakening. And he retold a myth I’ve heard time and time again since I was a child.
It’s the myth of the rivalry between the north wind and the sun. The blustery north wind believed it was stronger than the sun and challenged it to a test of their powers.
They decided to see who was most powerful by trying to remove a coat off a human man. The north wind, certain of its strength, huffed and puffed, whirling about the man, trying to remove his coat with force. But the man only gripped his garment tighter.
Then, the sun took its shot. It peeked out from behind a cloud, gently, and simply radiated its warmth on the man, softly. And within moments, the man was so hot that he easily removed his coat voluntarily.
The moral of the story is simple and ever-lasting: less force, more softness.
Ayahuasca is a powerful plant medicine.
Like Cacao, it is rooted in the heart of the earth. Like Cacao, it is often called Grandmother.
But in my lived experience, these grandmothers couldn’t be more different.
Ayahuasca is known to be forceful, practically tearing trauma from those who sit with it. Cacao is far more subtle, allowing emotions to release gently, softly.
I only know this because I have witnessed it personally. I heard the call to sit with Grandmother Ayahuasca first-hand this time last year. I haven’t talked about that experience publicly until now.
She called to me for nearly a year. And finally, on a random day, when I was in Austin, Texas to do breath work with one thousand people, I received the nudge I needed.
One evening, after an intense breath work session, I said to myself, “I believe that I am ready to sit with Grandmother.”
Two hours later, I received an email from a curandera I had met many months prior. She said, “We’re having a ceremony in California next month. Would you like to attend?”
That was all the magic I needed to instantly say, “Yes.” When you listen to your soul, the magic unfolds and it’s up to you to follow it.
In the weeks leading up to my communion with Grandmother, I remember not feeling fear. I was ready for whatever she wished to show me. I was ready to sit with my shadows, my blindspots, my fears.
More so, I felt equal parts free—free, that I had decided to jump off this proverbial cliff—and held—held, because, in fact, I was.
As they say, much like with Cacao, once you decide to engage with Ayahuasca, that’s when the medicine begins to weave its work in you.
In the weeks leading up to my weekend ceremony, I received dream after dream about the next stage of self-growth that I had initiated, willingly, with open heart.
In one dream, I saw myself saying good bye to passed and present loved ones, as if our work together, perhaps our soul contracts, was now complete.
In another dream, I saw myself pregnant, about to birth something or someone new.
And in the wildest dream yet, I saw my main spirit guide, whom I know by name and face, after many years of communication.
In the dream, she walked me through a vast landscape and terrain, from reedy shallow creeks to wild tropical rain forests to beach cove, introducing me to what felt like a new set of spirit animals.
First, there was the crocodile, slithering through the reeds, snapping at my spirit guide but not at me. Crocodile energy helps us survive until times when we can thrive. Crocodile teaches about inner strength, resilience, and personal power.
Second, there was the warthog, running along the shore. Warthog energy supports fearlessness and boldness as you face the future. Warthog offers the tools to overcome upcoming challenges, especially any of the emotional sort.
Next, as we sat down on a patio overlooking the sea, covered with tropical plants and palm trees, a fox jumped up on her but simply sat down by me. Fox is a protective guide, associated with magic and dreams. It is fearless and passes on wisdom and passion.
Sitting along the sea, my spirit guide inquired, “Have I been too strong with you?”
I immediately said, “No.”
I added, “If you didn’t take me through it all so directly, so firmly, I would have tip-toed through it all. I would have gone slow and suffered even more. Thank you for taking me through so strongly.”
And in my last dream, the night before I sat with Grandmother, my actual grandmother from my mother’s mother’s line, from my Mayan lineage, came through.
She simply sat with me while I was in that delicate space, between awake and asleep simultaneously all night, as if to comfort me before the next phase of my growth.
Through all these dreams and all these days leading up to ceremony, I set intentions. I asked the medicine to be gentle with me. I said that I am willing to see it all and also I wish for compassion and softness through the journey.
I want to tell you about my journey but I also do not want to spoil your potential journey, whether with Ayahuasca, Cacao, or any other plant medicine.
I will tell you that I received exactly what I requested. And it was in the final night of my journey that I heard the soul say, “This experience of self-healing and self-discovery is far gentler and softer with Cacao. You’ve been doing that for a long time. Go share that softer way with others.”
And that’s when I decided to incorporate Cacao Ceremonies into my work. It took several months for my ancestors to share the sequence for my special kind of ceremony. But it’s proven to be quite healing for me and others who partake.
The more I allow softness and gentleness in every aspect of my life and work, the more I open to the evolution of my Soul Work.
This means taking steps but not forcing fits that just don’t, well, fit.
This means following my deep motivations but not hustling to do everything the moment I feel it.
This means going slow and with some seriousness but also allowing joy and laughter and humor and a hundred mistakes along the way.
And when I finally do surrender to softness and gentleness and where I am being guided—every time that has happened—I am led to the next stage of development.
For example, let’s drift back to that moment when I told you in this story that “I’ve consciously made a choice to redesign my life in such a way that I may be in other places as often as possible.”
The day after I made that choice, I received a confirmation that it was right for me in the form of learning about someone who had moved away. I never for a moment believed this person would change their life so dramatically and they did. It provided a confirmation for me that I was on the right path.
And then, the very next day, I received a huge download on the upcoming phase of my work.
The universe gifts us additional knowledge and wisdom once we make choices to lean into discomfort and its corresponding growth.
In this case, I was uncomfortable with beginning to simplify and pack up parts of my life so that I could take the next step toward discovery, toward being elsewhere, toward who knows where, toward the wild west, toward the unknown.
And then, early that morning, the soul said, “Sit down and write.” And this sweet soul abides. And what I heard was just lovely.
I heard that over the course of these years, I’ve been developing parts of a bigger paradigm, a bigger concept that wished to be shared with the world.
I heard that I wasn’t just pursuing Soul Work to come into my fullest expression, though that is certainly part of it.
I heard that I was developing a paradigm to introduce a new kind of mastery to the collective. I heard I was designing a Soul Leadership paradigm, a kind of leadership that could only be stepped into once you have walked a Self-Love Path.
“Soul Leadership centers abundance, ease, self-trust, collective care, love, and compassion in order to meet the emerging needs of conscious business and new paradigm living. Soul Leaders allow the most integrated self (the soul) to lead in life and work. Soul Leaders choose to walk The Self-Love Path of (a) self-awareness, (b) self-healing, and (c) self-actualization. This path allows you to repair relationships, discover that purpose is ever-unfolding, create from curiosity, and welcome each opportunity, even the hard ones, as an invitation to come into your fullest expression.”
Now, I know that I wrote those words because I saw me write it. And I also know that soul was working through me to finally get those words into type.
I’m telling you about this not because I want to enlist you all into becoming Soul Leaders. Only you know your most aligning path.
I’m telling you about this now because the more you surrender to softness and gentleness, the more you move toward vulnerability and self-love, the more you sit with your wounds and fears, the more your next steps will rise to meet you.
And in a few weeks, I’ll host an exclusive virtual session to learn all about Soul Leadership.
Because we’re awakening not just to awaken.
We’re awakening, together, to impact the world in meaningful ways.
According to the astrological calendar, we’re sitting in the middle of two very powerful eclipses. And the eclipse on Monday, April 8, is conjunct Chiron, the wounded healer, the astrological line that represents our deepest emotional and spiritual wounds.
You may be feeling very raw and tender right now, in subtle and not so subtle ways. Frankly, you could feel like you’ve been dragged through the dirt over the last couple of weeks.
While all this tumultuous energy will subside by late April, once Mercury Retrograde enters its post-retrograde shadow, your tenderness is coming to the surface for a reason.
Will you surrender to it?
Will you soften to it?
Will you marinate in it like a salad?
The choice, of course, is yours. But there are lessons here, if you’d like to explore them.
And to end this story, I want to share a practice that may help you sit with your wounds in an entirely new way.
My process of awakening and dealing with the pain around my wounds has shifted.
I most certainly bring curiosity to my pain and review the stories surrounding it with words and sentences in order to assign some meaning to it all.
And also, I now attune myself to the energy of the pain and the opposite energy of the pain, the energy of the wound and the opposite energy of the wound. And this helps my body transmute it in powerful ways, so powerfully that I’ll receive instant downloads on my next steps.
Sound interesting?
If you hear the call to explore this kind of energetic attunement, I invite you to listen to this second audio meditation where I walk you through my personal practice.
Make sure to find a quite place where you feel safe enough to close your eyes for about ten minutes. Then, listen to this Energetic Attunement Meditation.
Be sure to let me know how it feels. And if it feels helpful, get yourself to a restorative yoga class in order to release the pain from the body through movement and breath and tears.
Until next time, take good care of your sweet soul as we move through next week’s Total Solar Eclipse.
I don’t know about you, but I’ll be sitting in stillness for some of it, allowing my sweet soul and all the other energies conspiring with me to hold me through this tectonic shift.
If you’d like some support from my ancestors through this time, just leave a comment on this post saying, “I receive your support.”
